The Closest I Ever Want To Be To Hell

“More people tell you to go to our town than anywhere else on Earth”

That’s the tag line on the website for Hell, Michigan. I admit it’s a pretty clever play on something we’ve all heard a hundred times on our lives. Let’s be honest too, some of us may have even said that at some point. But that’s also a really big statement if you think about it and it made me wonder how many places are named Hell on Earth. Let’s find out…

Oh, Hell…Norway?

How about Hell in the Netherlands? I’ve definetly never heard of that one. Here’s another for you…Hell in the Cayman Islands. I had no clue but that one does sound a little toasty. The fact is that there are only four cities or villages named Hell in the entire world and Hell, Michigan is the ONLY one in the United States.

But, Why?

Of all the names, why Hell? Like many communities that were settled in the early days of Michigan’s statehood (1837), the area started because one man had a vision. And some money. George Reeves came to the area in the early 1830’s from the Catskills Mountains and started with a sawmill. Gradually over the next couple of years he added a gristmill, a tavern and a distillery. It’s because of the distillery that some believe Hell got it’s name. See, Ol’ George would pay local farmers for their grain with homemade whiskey and the wives were not happy about it. They would often say their husbands had gone to Hell during the harvest time. There are a couple other theories of why it was named Hell but I like that one the best.

Where exactly is Hell

Hell, Michigan is located within Putnam Township in Livingston County. Because the US Postal Service does not recognize Hell as an actual town it has been assigned the same zip code as nearby Pinckney, Michigan. That’s not hard to understand considering Hell is literally three buildings and a creek. What I find particularly interesting is that Hell has it’s own post office where you can have a postcard not only postmarked right there in front of you but they also singe the edges of it before it goes in the outgoing pile. The substation is located inside Screams, near the door and next to a rack of postcards, making it all very convenient.

• 

• 

• 

What to do when you’re Hell-a hungry

Hell is three buildings and only three. I’m not including the Chapel because it’s only open for reserved weddings from what I can tell. I have been here four or five times and I’ve never seen it open so…I’m not counting it. I referred to the area as Uptown, Midtown and Downtown just to separate the three buildings. Two of them are food and “beverage”.

Hell Hole Bar

Uptown, or Hell Hole Bar as it’s actually named, is more of a family friendly place to quiet the hunger pangs. There were several families in there with babies and children. They serve sandwiches, hot dogs, burgers, fish, pizza and more. Their tagline is it’s “The best homecooking this side of Heaven” and that it is a cozy restaurant…well, no it’s not the best homecooking but it will be a decent-enough meal that will keep your hangry self at bay. Is it cozy? Oh yeah, although I was thinking more like a tight fit. There are a couple tables out on the front porch that didn’t look as crowded so if you don’t mind eating outdoors, give them a try.

One of the main attractions of the Hell Hole Bar is their “Bloody Mary Bar”. It seems to draw a lot of attention and I witnessed at least one person make several trips to it. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t driving so it was all good. They also sell beer on tap, if Blood Marys aren’t your preferred choice, plus there is a selection of bottled beers, sodas and teas in the self serve coolers.

Hell Saloon

The other eating establishment is the Hell Saloon, or as I refer to it, Downtown Hell. The saloon is located immediately next to Hell Creek. I didn’t go in and check it out because we had already eaten and there really wasn’t a reason to at that point. It was fairly busy which could have had something to do with it being a perfect day for a bike ride or because it was Father’s Day, maybe both. I know a few people that make the effort to go here on a regular basis which tells me it must be a good place to meet up with friends. At the very least, you have two choices for food in Hell.

Give Me More!

Hell, Michigan is tiny. I mean, it’s smaller than any small town that probably comes to your mind. So it’s very suprising that there is enough to do and keep a person busy for an hour or two! Here’s what I found…

It’s Tee Time

Are you the Arnold Palmer of the putt putt world? Do you have a bucket list to play on every putt putt course known to man? Yeah, I know the last one is a bit far fetched but I’ll bet there’s a few out there that would giggle at the idea of saying you played in Hell. To play a game of mini golf, simply go inside Screams and they will be happy to help you out. At the time I’m writing this, the prices are Adults $6, Children under 14 are $4 and children under 4 are FREE but call ahead if you need more information.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Take a Hike!

Hell Creek runs between Hell Saloon and Screams. It runs from Hi-Land Lake located to the south of town. If you walk behind Screams and past the mini golf course and the Chapel of Love you will find “America’s Shortest River Walk”…at least that’s what the sign on the tree said and I have to say that I agree. It is very short and they have put in a nice pathway along the creek. This wasn’t there the last time I visited the area about five years ago so it was a very pleasant surprise! There are a few steps and a couple of dirt paths that lead you down to the water. Once you’re on the creek, the path is full of little treasures hiding here and there. The whole experience can last five minutes or 20, it’s up to you, but it’s enjoyable and shaded!

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

The Chapel of Love

Yes, you read that correctly. Hell has a Chapel of Love. I’ve traveled through this area a few times and I have never seen it open. There are windows you can peek into but the doors are locked up tight unless there is a wedding going on. And the church is very small so if you always wanted a standing room only event, here you go. There have been hundreds of weddings in this tiny venue and, as the plaque on the outside says, weddings started in Hell have nowhere to go but up! If you think you may want to get your matrimonial life started in Hell, go to their website for more information. https://www.gotohellmi.com/weddings-in-hell.html

• 

• 

Throw Away The Key

Do you want to lock your love away forever? I don’t mean physically, even if this is Hell. You and your special someone can attach a lock onto the infamous Locks of Love Bridge and then throw the key away into Hell Creek. Don’t worry, if this is a last minute decision and you’re caught without a lock of your own, they have them for sale in the Screams Souvenirs store for around $10. Also, as you can see in the picture, the bridge doesn’t actually go over any water…or anything. This was also new from the last time I was in the area. And do you see the green bench in the background? Many people like to sign it so take a marker with you! But, remember to be respectful!

• 

Scream If You Dare!

Screams is the only building that is not a restaurant in Hell but they do sell ice cream which is a popular spot in the summer heat. The Creamatory sells Hershey’s ice cream and almost always has a line at the counter! And if you’re looking for a little trinket or t-shirt to remember your stop in Hell, this is the place to find it. They have everything from rubber ducks in a casket to coffee cups to sweatshirts in this little shop. This is where the post office is too so remember to take your address book with you.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

More to See And Do

When you first pull into the parking lot between Hell Hole Bar and Screams your first thought will probably be along the lines of thinking this will be a quick stop or it took you longer to drive there than it will take to walk around. That is a fair assessment. But, in all honesty, there are little things hiding here and there that if you take your time will catch your attention. Or, at the very least, make you ask “what the Hell is that?” For example, the “Grieving Yard” is a dedicaiton to the young souls that do not come home from war to us as we hope. There is the Scattering Yard where you can spread the ashes of your loved ones or pets. A permit or special permission may be needed ahead of time. The woman I spoke to didn’t know for sure.

• 

• 

Also, if you always fancied yourself the mayoral type you can be the Mayor of Hell without worrying about an election. To be the mayor for an entire day, it will cost you $100 and all you need to do is fill out a form with your name, where you are from and the day you want to be mayor. If a day sounds like to much responsibility, then you can do it for an hour or two and pay just $25/hour and list on the form which hour (or two) you want. I wonder if there is a pension with that job…https://www.gotohellmi.com/mayor-of-hell.html

Here’s The Breakdown

Ok, here is my wrap up and opinion of my adventure: This is a day trip to a tourist trap and that’s it. It is gimmicky and that’s ok. It brings money to the area and that is what all places need. I have no problem with that. Will I go back? Perhaps, but it wouldn’t be for a long time, if ever. I’ll be honest-just like I’ve always said I would be-I’m just not fond of the premise of it. So why did I write about it this time? A few years ago I wrote a very similiar blog on WordPress called Beyond My Front Door. I haven’t added to it in six years or so but my post on Hell, MI is still very popular. I won’t lie, this kind of blew my mind that it’s still being read. Especially when I saw that a large portion of the readers were from other countries!

However, the tiny town has changed over the years since I wrote that first post. The restaurant I used to get the best sandwiches in (Hell in a Handbasket) has been sold and the food is not even close to as good. I used to drive an hour with my daughter once every summer just to have lunch there together. I wouldn’t do that now. She didn’t care for her food either and my husband hated his.

Changes

There was no path by Hell Creek when I went before. After lunch, we would park behind the Hell Saloon and my daughter would wade and splash in the water. I don’t think that is even allowed now. But, I do think the town has done a good job putting the pathway in and it makes it much nicer to walk near the water than before.

I think the Locks of Love Bridge was a head scratcher but obviously some like it or there would not have been so many locks on it…but throwing the keys in the creek? Just why? And, I’ll put this out there now, after I’m cremated, I do not want my ashes scattered in the Scattering Yard. I’m sure someone would like the idea, I do not. But, hey…to each their own, right?

Yay or Nay?

If you’re passing through and want to stop, give it a try. It’s not meant to be taken seriously.

Surrounding Area

Hell Michigan is located in a beautiful area that offers a lot of recreational activities. There are several lakes around and if you like to canoe or kayak but don’t have the equipment, that’s ok. You can rent both at Screams! Canoes are $46/day and Kayaks are $36/day. Be sure to call and double check prices since we all know how quickly they can change and to get the information you may need. https://www.gotohellmi.com/kayakcanoe-rental.html

The Pinckney State Recreation Area is south of Hell Michigan and offers camping, swimming, hiking, biking and more so be sure to check them out as well.

What The Day Cost

• Gas: For me, this was an 80 mile round trip adn fuel that day was $3.13/gallon
• Food: Lunch at Hell Hole Bar was $30.50 plus $7 for Tip. This meal would have been $10 more but my sandwich was taken off because it was wrong (yes, I did say I would pay for it several times)
• We didn’t buy any souvenirs because A) we didn’t find anything we wanted, B) It was pretty pricey and you’ll soon learn I tend to be a bit frugal and C) I was going to send postcards to some people but the line was ridiculously long and I didn’t want to wait. The line was not only for people filling out addresses on their postcards and trying to mail them – remember each one is hand burned and postmarked – but the line to pay for ice cream and souvenirs all went to the same one person. I felt bad for her…plus someone had broken the button on a farting toy so she had to listen to that go off every 8 seconds…but she stayed friendly!

• 

Upcoming Hell Events

6/24/21 – Hell of a Cruise Cruise-In 4-9pm

7/10/21 & 8/14/21 – Junk in the Trunk

8/13/21 – Friday the 13th in Hell Michigan

For a full list of Upcoming Events or more information, visit https://www.gotohellmi.com/events.html

Keep an eye on my own Community Upcoming Events too! https://thecoddiwomplist.com/community/

Where’s The Map?

Was that a flashback to Dora the Explorer for all you parents?